Need to post during the day

I find I am feeling better during the day, and I get almost cocky that my daily panic attacks have stopped, until night time comes around and BAM out of nowhere it hits me. I get really bad, and thinking or even blogging about it makes me worse. So from now on I am going to make an effort to do it during the day when I am feeling well. I am told I have an ulcer from the lithium incident, so I am on Nexium for 2 weeks (hopefully) and it should be gone. I really hope so, because I cannot stand any weird feelings in my chest. It scares me and makes me panic more. It all started a few years ago with an allergic reaction to a med while I was in ICU. Ever since then, I get really weird about anything that could possibly affect my breathing. Then the Immitrex thing a month ago just did me in. Panic attacks almost every day since. I refuse to take Klonopin today. I've made it this far, and if I get that bad I'll just go to bed. I've been on it daily for a month and I don't want to form an addiction, plus I already feel it doesn't work as good as it used to.... or maybe I'm just worse.

I was informed today I am being assigned to a Psychologist (it's only been 8 months as a high priority, ya see) and to stop the Day Program. So hopefully I'll be getting a phone call in the next few days with who specifically it is, and when my first appointment is. I cannot wait. All I have asked for from the start is therapy, no drugs, no hospital, just therapy. Somehow they think I was only listed for a Psychiatrist at first, which is not true. In fact, I specified no Psychiatrist as I did not want to be medicated. So far, the health system here in Canada really scares me. I dunno if its just my area, or all of Canada but I'd love some input on that. Maybe I need to move to a more populated area or something lol.

My dad is coming up to visit in 2 weeks and I really hope I have a grip on these panic attacks as he may want to go out at night, which is when I am the worst, and he is not very understanding when it comes to psychiatric issues. I will give him credit that he has tried in the past few years, but some comments tell me that he's not quite there.