Paranoid Anxiety?

I was thinking back today while in the shower... and I can't remember the name of this boy I went to high school with that had an innocent crush on me whom my crazy ex beat up. I think that's really sad, considering it was caused by me. I should at least remember his name, right?

Panic attacks are still rampant, and I'm worried that it's my Klonopin. I've never been on it maintenance before, but now I am and I'm wondering if I'm building a tolerance to it. I've made a few calls, but haven't heard back and it's not doing much for reassurance as they will probably tell me some bullshit about relaxation (which I've been doing all morning, trust me).

I am told I have paranoia about medications. I refuse most of them, terrified of their side effects. Tardive dyskinesia which may be irreversible? No thanks. I've dealt with the tremors, weight gain, dry mouth, nausea, but that is one side effect I will not take the risk. At the rate my life is moving, I would be one of that unlucky 4% or whatever it is to get it. I don't think my fears are unfounded. I am hesitant about any med. In fact, to the point that I panic when I start new meds. In the previous post is the perfect example. I have also had 2 severe allergic reactions to nausea meds (so now when I get painkillers or anything I have to suffer), and it seems I tend to get a lot of adverse effects. I know people say that everyone claims to be "medication sensitive", but I seriously think I am. Maybe it has something to do with my allergies (I have horrible allergies that no meds works for 24/7). My liver enzymes went nuts when put on any of the newer antipsychotics, and my liver actually just got back to normal ranges after their last attempt 1 year ago almost exactly. It caused me steatosis as well. So am I paranoid? Or do the doctors just not care because it's not them they have to worry about having chronic uncontrollable spasms and writhing movements. People I talk to seem to think I'm not unreasonable, but not 1 person in the medical field agrees with me... Who will win this battle, hmmm?