Haven't wrote much

Sorry I haven't wrote much. I find when I am doing worse I can't write because it makes me worse. I thought the last 2 days I was making progress with the panic, then today I got it again. I can't seem to break the associations with it. Any time I watch a movie, I get one. Or when I take a medication I've never taken before, leave the house, and a few other things that I was doing when one happened. For me they aren't just a few minutes either (lately, anyway). They tend to be up to an hour, then I keep getting waves of them over and over. I have a crisis number, but find it useless with panic as I cannot speak when I'm having an attack because it makes me more winded and in turn makes me panic even more. I'm scared to be alone, yet can't have anyone too close or I feel claustrophobic. I feel that the people around me don't understand how debilitating they are, and it is frustrating. I also don't feel they understand the magnitude of what I am going through with the lithium toxicity.

Can we say overmedicate much? This is a pic I took of SOME (leftovers) of the meds that I was put on over the last 2-3 years. This is not including all the meds I took and threw away, etc. I have crossed out confidential information for obvious reasons, but this is 2 large ziplock bags that covered almost 2 complete couch cushions. This just fuels my anti-medications/over-medication stance. Nuff said...