Bad Session....

Over 30 days with not a day gone by and no panic attack. I feel like I am going out of my mind. I met with my nurse practitioner today to followup and she basically told me all the medical things that happened to me are in my head, and that she hasn't even bothered sending off any of my referrals. I don't know why she pushed me knowing I have been feeling suicidal due to all the nonstop panic. I basically stopped responding to her half way through the session because I felt there was no need to try to explain to yet another doc that I am not making this up, I really am experiencing what I am. We battled back and forth. She keeps insisting I do not have panic attacks because something would be precipitating them and mine come out of nowhere (while I'm watching movies, playing games, etc) and I told her that that was the definition of panic disorder... unprecipitated attacks... she insisted something still precipitates or triggers them. She thinks they are just bodily sensations that I am experiencing and getting upset over. I don't care what we label them, they are what they are to me. I am going to spend nonstop time during the day when I am not bad working on a workbook. I had stopped because she told me not to work on it, but I don't see what harm it can do, and I'm desperate at this point. She wanted to hospitalize me, but I don't think meds are going to fix this, and that's all they do is medicate you. I also do not know if I am going to keep my next session with her as I am highly upset with her. She claims it's what borderlines do, use physical issues to mask emotional so they don't have to be dealt with and thats why they switch therapists so much. I am disheartened because I trusted her and she was the only one that seemed to be making any effort to help me. Enough rambling for now, my anger is talking.....